Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Poor Ellen.

Look, I know there is war going on in Iraq, genocide in Darfar, and the over all knowledge that things are shitty all over—but I want to talk about Ellen.

Dear LORD! Why doesn’t that dog agency just give the family the dog back? What the hell is their problem?

Dog + two girls = happy.
Rescue agency + backing from celebrity = more money and more dogs rescued.

How come I am the only one who can do math? Besides making Ellen cry on her own show is just bad form.

I know that the owners of this agency are receiving death threats, but I hope that they realize that if this agency had done this to Oprah they would be dead by now.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Charmin Commercial

I don’t even know what to say. Expect that I am not impressed. There are so many things wrong with this commercial. I know you want to understand, and so you can perfectly understand the problems I have with the commercial I will make a list.

Let us begin with the most obvious:
1. Bears do not use toilet paper.
2. Bears do not use outhouses.
3. Typically, bears are not found at the beach.
4. Bears are not bright blue or bright red.
5. Why are these bears waiting so long to use the bathroom?
6. Bears do not have to wait to go. They just go wherever they are.

Is it just me—or is the advertising industry trying to make me seem like a dumbass who will buy anything?

I will answer my own question—I just checked my own toilet paper and it is of course Charmin.

Advertising industry: 1
Sarah’s cognitive thinking skills: 0

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Happiness is a warm gun, mama.

I have to tell you my confession.

When I was in the 8th grade I would come home every single day, and watch my VHS tape of a The Beatles Anthology. Of course, I did record this off of the television, and yes I did obsess over John, Paul, Ringo, and George. Sometimes I would be so ANGRY that I was not born in the late 40’s able to enjoy the 60’s in my late teens and my early twenties. That is when you are supposed to be enjoying the 60s.

Yet there I was 14 years old—and barely enjoying 1997 much less the 60s. Still I was obsessed with an obsession that people had with a band so many years ago. I loved (love) The Beatles, and I would have given my little brother to have seen them live on Sunday, August 15, 1965 when they played in Shea Stadium. I would have sold Sheena into captivity to have been one of the passer bys as The Beatles played their rooftop concert at 3 Savile Row in London, England.

I would spend time asking anyone I thought was “old” if they had liked The Beatles. My parents let me down (“Nobody ever loved me like she does, yeah she does. She does me good.”) because they were too young to have really experienced The Beatles—much less the 60s. However my mother did have the posters from The White Album on her room when she was a teenager, and she did have the record. BUT! My cousin apparently took all of those records later on and took them out of their sleeves and who the fuck knows what she did with them.

Lately, I see myself reverting into my 8th grade version of myself. I give all the credit to Across the Universe the new movie based on songs by The Beatles. The movie is a musical and it features only songs by The Beatles. Most of the songs—I knew in my head—however this movie gave me a new love for words of the songs.

I have not really listened to these songs in so long. Even though I still love The Beatles—to this day my family members will by some Beatles memorabilia—I don’t really ever listen to The Beatles. When I made my Top 15 favorite songs in college under Spring’s influence—I did not include any songs by The Beatles. The Beatles songs were too good, too much to be JUST one of my favorites. How can I ever tell you which songs are my favorite? They all are. They are all me, and I am them, and we are all together.

So much of me is wrapped in these songs. So much of my youth, my dreams, my fantasies of being a different person in a different time—and now because of that movie apart of my adult life.

There is no doubt in my mind that I would have rocked the sixties. I would have been the most awesome sixties person ever. You would have seen pictures of me at The Beatles concerts, protesting the Vietnam War, taking LSD in a circle to free my mind, and I would have been rocking it at Woodstock.

Who wants to do a protest with me this weekend? Anybody, anybody?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I love being a girl.

I am doing this because Lee Ella and Spring did it. Everyone knows that I like to fit in. I am a follower not much a leader—only because when you follow, and you stay on the outskirts you can leave whenever you want.

For example everyone is going to a movie I don’t want to see. I just say, “Sorry no can’t go,” and then I go do something with another group of friends.

However in this instance this is a fun activity that I want to do.

57 Girl Confessions

1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?:
At this point in my life it is cute (and welcomed) for a guy to kiss me anywhere.

2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress? :
I think short and poofy. That is the style isn’t it?

3. What would you do if you received a long love letter?:
Well who is it from? If it is from a stalker then I will read it, make a copy and then go to the police. If it is from a boyfriend—I will read it, and be pleased.

4. Group dates or single dates?:
Group dates at first I guess, and then a single date. I mean eventually I will want to make out, and that is just rude in front of other people.

5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?:
Most guys I know grew out of this after our 16th birthday.

6. Are diamonds a girl’s best friend?:
I tend to agree with Lee Ella about this.

I had a dream the other night that I was engaged, and I had a ring that had the spot for a diamond but because my fiancĂ©e knew about my strong dislike of diamonds—there was only like an EMPTY prong on the ring where the diamond would go. I don’t know what that dream meant, however I have a few guesses.

7. Is your hair up or down today?:
My hair is up. As always.

8. Do you straighten your hair?:
Blah! I have no need to. My hair is as straight as a board. I have to put CURL into my hair people.

9. Favorite mascara?:
I once read in a magazine that the Maybeline green and pink mascara was the best mascara on the market. So that is what I wear. However I wear the waterproof kind, and the bottle is pink and black.

10. Do you get your nails done?:

11. Small or large purses?:
Is this relevant to being a girl. I personally take offense to this question. What about medium sized purses? That is what I have, and that is what I like.

12. In your purse, what are your must haves?:
Chapstick, wallet, cell phone, pen, random bits of trash, earrings from the night before that were hurting my ears, and a condom. Okay no not that last bit—I use a diaphragm.

13. Jeans or sweats?:
Do people still really wear “sweats.” I mean I used to in like elementary school. However I don’t even know that I own a pair now. So I guess jeans.

14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable?:
Yes. Mostly jewelry and shoes.

15. Do you text message a lot?:
This is by far my preferred method of communication.

16. What would you do if you got pregnant?:
Well if it was like tomorrow and I wasn’t married then I guess I would move in with my parents, eat only organic foods, and hope for the best. However if this is like a question about the future and I was married—I guess I would move in with my parents, still eat only organic food, and hope for the best.

17. What’s your favorite color?:
I like pink.

18. Heels or flats?:
Man to be cool I would say heels. But typically I want to wear flip flops—and any shoe that looks like a classed up flip flop.

19. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?:
Like which part? I cried at the end of Moulin Rouge because it was so fucking sad. However I do not cry at happy endings.

20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on?:
Hell yes. I am at work right now without a lick of it on. One of my coworkers commented this morning after I got her at 10:00 a.m. that I looked like I just woke up. Haha. I had been up for two hours.

21. Wal-Mart or Target?:
TARGET. I only go to Wal-Mart to get my oil changed. I hate you Wal-Mart you stole a year of my life, and I can never get that back. Wal-Mart bastard.

22. Do you wear collared shirts?:
If you could see me now.

23. Do you like preppy boys?:
Yeah. I like preppy boys the best I guess.

24. Do you think lip gloss is the best!?:
No. I think that key lime pie ice cream is the best.

25. Do you own any big sunglasses?:
Yes. All of my accessories are J.Lo inspired.

26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
30-45 minutes

27. Do you like to wear band-aids?:
If I have a boo-boo.

28. Do you like skater boys?:

29. Do you often wish there was something you could change?:
Haha. I work in child abuse. This is a stupid question to ask me.

30. Gold or silver?:

31. Do you like to receive flowers?:
Of course. My favorite color is pink.

32. Do you like surfer boys?:

33. Do you dress up for the holidays?:
I guess I don’t get the question. I wear normal clothing during the holiday season. I do not own any seasonal vests or sweaters or anything like that.

34. Do you like to wear dresses?:
Yes—however I prefer skirts. They are new shorts.

35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?:
Unlike Spring—I have never had a great talent with men. I typically have many guy friends however they all throw-up in their mouths slightly at the idea of me being more than a friend. However as I get older I find men less confusing and mostly understand that they are a bunch of assholes. (Minus: Ryan, Alex McEachin, and my little bro Sean)

So I guess 10?

36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?:
Well I share an office with a guy. However I hung out with Ryan and Chad on Sunday evening as well as Mary-Beth and Spring.

37. Would you date a guy shorter than you?:
The sad and vain answer is no. Sorry world.

38. Do you like to hold hands?:
Of course I do. Holding hands is awesome.

39. What is the youngest you would date?:
I would date anyone who is Zac Efron.

40. What is the oldest you would date?:
Thirty-two. The only reason is because my cousin Amy is in her thirties and she makes it look awesome, however thirty-two is like old.

41. What do you notice when you first meet a guy?:
His teeth. However I was looking at mine today, and they are so YELLOWy. I need to get some of the Crest whitening strips.

42. Is it hott when guys sweat?:
Why two “t”? And it depends on the guy and the situation. If a guy is running a race then—yes. If a guy is just standing next to me in line at the movie theater then—no.

43. What is the best feature in a guy?:
His smile. However I also like a guy with nice legs.

44. Do you like making eye contact?:
Eye contact is an essential part of a conversation. So I guess—yes?

45. This question is missing, so I'm going to take this moment to mention that I think that Zac Efron is hot.

46. Would you kill for chocolate?:
I don’t think so. I mean where am I? If I am just next to some chocolate and someone takes the last brownie—then whatever. But if this is like a Lord of the Flies situation, and chocolate is all we have and someone stole it all—then perhaps.

However murder is not my first resort even then. I mean killing is a very heavy burden to bear over something like chocolate.

47. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?:
The only thing I could think of was for the prom. Espcially for the senior prom—even though I was not getting “pretty” for my date but actually for my then crush (later boyfriend then ex-boyfriend). And I will tell you something I looked good.

48. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping?:
A two.

49. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?:
Um yes. I love television. Although since Spring got TIVO it hasn’t been that big of a deal.

50. Do you yell a lot?:
I am a loud talker. However I rarely yell at anyone.

51. Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to school/work?:
Yes to when I was in college.

However I want to discuss the “job” other people are working where they can wear sweatpants or pajamas to work. This just seems odd all around. Unless you work from home then you should not be wearing sweatpants to work. That is my advice for the day. Tell all.

52. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?:
Man if I have make-up on its to impress a guy. So yes everyday for me is an attempt to impress a guy—any guy! Although lately it is mostly to impress Ryan.

53. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?:
Man I have written a poem since I was 15 years old. At that time it was mushy. However they were not good.

54. What makeup could you not live w/ out?:
I don’t like makeup. However I do like chapstick and I need it on a regular basis.

55. Do you fall in love easily?:
Yes. I am like that Tom Waits song. “Well I hope that I don’t fall in love with. Falling in love just makes me blue." and my favorite line, "I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round And I think that I just fell in love with you. ”

56. Do you have cramps?:
What? What a weird question. The answer is not at this moment.

57. Do you think you have the bestest friend ever?:
I happen to believe that I do, and that I have not just one but many “bestest” friends. This in turn makes me very lucky in life.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Hit me baby? One more time?

*Cough, Cough*

Empty room, I walk up to the stage and yell “Is there anyone still out there?”

No response. Eh perhaps that is better.

I have been away from blogging for a long time. However, I am back now. In addition, the thing that makes me want to write this blog today. Is this:

The return of Britney Spears to the VMA’s

I watched the performance this morning at work with my boss in my office at my desk via MTV. Moreover, we both agreed that Britney has lost IT. Whatever IT is that she used to have is gone. IT has left Britney, and wandered off and is now living amongst the stars of High School Musical. Especially Zac Efron.

It was like watching a zombie. I have better dance moves than Britney without IT. My dance moves are pretty sweet too. Mostly I just pull my pants up really high and move my legs back in forth. You would be impressed.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Puerto Rico was great

I went all the way to Puerto Rico to hang out in an above ground pool.

I did end up going to the beach. Although this isn't the beach that caused my near death. That is for another post at another time though.

This was the most important part of my trip to Puerto Rico.

Drinking coconut milk that has been chilled and put back into the coconut.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

This time last year...

Deborah posted about what she was doing this time last year. I thought I would do something similar. So here is my post from 06/05/2006, which turns out to be about one of my favorite dreams that I ever had:

I had a dream that Dylan Fila shot me and Molly (his wife) with a shotgun. He shot me right in the chest. In my dream, I was telling Dylan that I would never, ever forgive him for shooting Molly. He did not seem to care. After I was shot I was bandaged up by a girl I used to go to high school with, but I still needed to go to the hospital. Except no one would take me. My cousin Amy came and took me to the subway, and told me to find my way to Stemmons. I just kept thinking about how I was in one of the biggest cities in the country, with about 15 hospitals, and I couldn’t get to any of them. It was one of those dreams that was so real that when I woke up I was so grateful not to be dying of a gunshot wound to the chest.

The weekend was good. I had a very nice time in
Severy, Kansas at my grandparent’s 60th wedding anniversary. My mom is still here, and she is out car hunting for me. She is a good mom.

Sean got his driver’s license last week, so all Missouri drivers beware .

It is strange that I wrote about Molly and Dylan last 06/05/2006 because I am going to be seeing them this weekend. Also it is important to note that Dylan has yet to shot either Molly or me.

My brother Sean did get his liscense, and so far has not killed anyone. You should also recall the mother was just here a week ago helping my sister Sheena look for a car. Bizzare.

My grandmother died in September 2006 soon after my grandparents anniversery in Kansas.

It is strange where a year can bring us.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Shake your ass. Watch yourself.

My favorite thing by far for the month of May was going to the drag show at S4 with Ryan and Spring over Memorial Day weekend.

I also like that I danced with a Drag Queen.
I also want to mention that this Drag Queen had on an AWESOME Budweiser dress earlier in the night. Also I put my dollar bill in her boob. I am awesome.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me.

At the end of this movie I turned to Ryan, and said, “Are you fucking kidding me?” I was pissed, disappointed and slightly heartbroken.

After some thought—I have to come to the conclusion that this movie was actually not so bad. I actually have to give some props to the makes of the flick because even though I was expecting a nice ending with a bow that is not what I got. But I like the balls it took to do what was done.

Therefore, it turns out that I liked this movie. I recommend you go see it. If not only for the hot, Hot, HOTNESS of Orlando Bloom.

(Orlando is the one on the right. The other guy is Geoffrey Rush. He is old.)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Won't you still be my friend?

Okay so I know I have been far, far away. Bless anyone’s heart who is still reading this blog.

Basically my only excuse is that I have been very busy.

My sister and mother came to town searching for a car for my sister. This meant actual time at work was used working, and not surfing blogs or writing my own blog because I wanted to be able to leave early to spend time with my family.

Another thing that has happened is that my cat Anne escaped to the outside outside about two weeks ago, and then when found she was meowing about how alone in life she is. How could I carelessly allow her to escape to the outside outside? So she was brought inside and a few days later it was discovered that she was infested with fleas. FLEAS! She then shared her FLEAS! with Hermione—and then they shared the FLEAS! with my furniture, carpet, sister and mother. So far, I have spent money on this problem only to continue to watch my cats scratch and leave tiny blood drops places.

Somehow, I am going to break into the flea getting rid of market because those people are making a million bajillion dollars as I write this. They sell all these products and none of them work. I am going to have to burn the fucking place down.

Bastard fleas.

Although with all of this said or typed (whatever) I continue to have many things to write about.

I have seen three of my eight summer movies. Sweet action. I want to discuss with you my initial feelings regarding Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

Perhaps some of you care what I thought about the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. I too care, but have not yet been able to watch it. Instead, I have busied my self with the classified section of newspapers, finally finished Atonement, and starting the Golden Compass series.

Therefore, there is more to come. I just hope that there will be someone to read about it.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

In order to eliminate the smell.

I am going to use this book to teach my cats to use the potty.

Other people are probably teaching their small children to use the potty, but I am going to teach my cats to do it.

It shall be my own adventure in parenting.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Come on. You know you wanna party with me and my Tecate.

Life is good when you are me. Or when you have had plenty of margaritas.

And then a hero comes along

TONIGHT! Yay. Two episodes left. I am on the edge of my seat.

I also enjoy looking at this guy:

Well okay, and this guy:

I enjoy the plot too. I suppose the attractive men on the show make it easier to watch. Kind of like, "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down." This is more like "Hot, attractive men make watching Heroes awesome."

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Do something you shouldn't

Happy Caturday.

Be like Hermione and do something that you know you aren't supposed to be doing. Such as getting up on the counter tops.

"I can be rebelz?"

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Finally doing something rebellious.

Tuesday I did something that I have wanted to do for the past 24 years. During college, I wanted a facial piercing—which never happened for fear of parental disownment. Even though my little sister, Sheena has a nose ring.

A tattoo is something that I have always wanted, but I have never known what to get. Finally though because Lee Ella was getting one—I decided that in honor of her moving on and getting out of Dallas for a better life I would finally get one too.

When people tell you that getting a tattoo is painful, they are not lying to you. At first the process did not hurt that bad, but as he kept working on my back I realized that if he did not stop I was going to have to get up out of the chair and hit him over the head with the book I was attempting to read. That is the kind of pain I was in.

Speaking of the book, I was reading—it is a book of short stories by Frances Kafka. I was starting The Metamorphosis. Mostly thought I was just squeezing the side of the book with my hands and wishing that I had drank a lot of ALCOHOL before going to have something so painful permanently ink’d on my wide, white, back.

Although I did start singing a song from the Frances Kafka rock opera from that one episode of Home Movies. “I’ve got tiny little bug feet. I don’t really know what bugs eat. Livin' like a bug ain't easy. ”

Now for your viewing pleasure:

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Happy Caturday

Hermione and Anne want you to enjoy your wonderful Caturday!

Friday, May 4, 2007

Does the things a spider can.

Ryan and I went to the midnight showing of Spiderman 3 last night! It was great.

I thoroughly enjoy the life lessons that Spiderman brings to light. People are neither inherently good nor bad—we are both, but we can make the choice to be either. Bad guys were not born bad, and the good guys are not always perfect angels.

What I did not enjoy about the movie experience was the crowd that I saw the movie with. Typically, I enjoy crowds in the Northpark 15 AMC theater in my local mall. However, last night I did not. So, BOO to you people.

A word advice to all the teenagers out there—when people cry in a movie it is usually a good indicator that PERHAPS this isn’t a humorous scene. Just PERHAPS!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

While eating Thai food on a rainy night in Dallas

Last night I ate dinner at Thai restaurant with Lee Ella, and while there, three young men came in to the restaurant stating loudly that they were drunk and needed to eat drunk food.

While Lee Ella and I were chitchatting, I overheard many of their conversations. Which mostly involved each one of them having a conversation with themselves about three different topics.

“My wife is turning 29 this year, and wants to have a baby. But I still feel like a big kid.” The first guy says.
“I loved Puerto Rico, but I left my favorite pair of swimming trunks there,” replies the second guy in a compassionate and understanding voice.
“I really enjoy jazz music.” Affirming what the second guy has compassionately told the first guy.

I love drunken people conversations.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Ode to the ability to walk around in my underwear

Living alone has turned out to be a relatively pleasant surprise.

Mostly because I never knew the joy of walking around in my tank top and underwear.

My friends, there is great joy in this for me because Texas is the hottest freaking place to live in the world. Not only is it hot, but it is fucking hot because of the freaking buildings that somehow create a new sun. A hotter sun in the middle of the city.

Therefore, when I come home, and I immediately throw off whatever work clothes I have on down to my tank top and my underpants.

At first, it felt wrong, and my conservative modest childhood household rules were still bearing down on me. I would think thoughts like “Oh no what if someone comes to the door,” or “What if there is a fire.” Now I am like, “Who cares?” It is like my bathing suit. Besides no one comes to my door other than Lee Ella, and I just wrap a sheet around my bottom half. Which by the way I am pretty sure Lee Ella hates.

It is especially fun to dance around in my underwear. How liberating.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Oh what a night

I had a dream last night that I was dating Rodrigo Santoro:

Oh how I hated to wake up.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

A Denny Duquette kind of problem.

My Grey’s Anatomy predictions:

Please know that I am the QUEEN of Grey’s Anatomy predictions, but I must first concede that I did not see George leaving for another hospital. My question is REALLY? George leaving? Addison leaving? Rumors of Burke leaving—perhaps a tragic death, an event that involves Denny leading Burke to the other side? Who will the show be about? No one. It will be dull. We are all tired of Meredith and Derek anyway.

With that said, here are my end of the season predictions:
• Both Izzy and Cali are prego with George’s baby.
• The Chief isn’t stepping down. He will be unable to see anyone able to handle the stress of it—he doesn’t want the job to ruin anymore FAMILES! DAMMIT!
• Alex is totally going to make some sort of commitment to Eva, pregnant ferry victim, and she is going to leave in some way. It will be as Addison put it tonight, “Some sort of Denny Duquette kind of problem.”
• The cheating of either Meredith on Derek or Derek on Meredith. Come on these two people are the kind of people who cannot stand happiness. It makes them feel all weird inside—like nausea or something.

That is pretty much all I know at this time. Perhaps George isn’t leaving the show and will only be going to a new hospital for a while. Kind of like when Jim left to go the other Dunder-Mifflin paper company. Fingers crossed.

Just think though—with the mass exciting of actors from the show makes our beloved Grey’s Anatomy even more like ER. Oh the joy of it.

The question really is WHY DOESN’T IZZY LEAVE? I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. She is teh suck. Grr…

The only thing that will cure my hate for Izzy is if she is prego with George’s baby, and then during labor she dies. Therefore forcing Burke (if he is still on the show) and Christiana to raise the child as their own. Damn. That would be awesome.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Meet my roommates

I am pleased to introduce you to the ladies that I live with.

This is Hermione:

This is Anne:

Tonight Hermione tried to kill herself.

What lies beneath my apartment. Nothing at all soft to land on.

She wishes to be free. Free of this tiny apartment, and of that rascal Anne. Anne is such a baby, and cries all the time. Hermione longs for the days that she never knew. Days of tormenting people who are allergic to cats. Chasing rats down alley ways. She hates her pampered life.

Like always I was able to lure her back into the apartment with the hope of catching some string.

She immediately regrets her mistake of trusting me.

Sarah: 1
Hermione: 0

The Shaving

This movie sucked. I do not recommend.

What I do recommend is Hillary Swank's awesome hair in the movie.

Her hair was long and flowing. She would wear it up in a brown clippie. Her hair is the ONLY reason to see this movie.

Unless you interested in seeing a pubescent girl run around with "menstrual" blood dried and crusted on her leg. Neat.

Also the The Reaping's title reminded Spring of "The Shaving," from ATHF.
"Nice head. I think I'll take it."

Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm bringing sexy back.

Lee Ella and I have often discussed what kind of strippers we would be if in fact the need should ever arise. Lee Ella has explained that she would be a Sunday afternoon stripper. I on the other hand know that I would be a 7:00 a.m. on a Monday morning kind of stripper.

I shared this with my co-workers the other night, and my good friend said, “You would be called Rock Bottom.” Of course. This is the best 7:00 a.m. stripper name EVER.

I explained that being a 7:00 a.m. stripper means a free breakfast buffet to help draw in the crowd. Mostly though you want to get the homeless in—basically it is the only time they can afford to see strippers. My tips would not be money, but instead strips of bacon from the breakfast buffet.

Rock Bottom would dance to such songs as “Today” by the Smashing Pumpkins, “Cats in the Cradle,” by Harry Chapin, and "Total Eclipse of the Heart," by Bonnie Tyler. Songs that are appropriate for a Monday morning stripper to dance to for the homeless men enjoying their free powdered eggs and stale bagels. Songs that will continue to remind people, “I hate living, and I hate Mondays. Also I hate that I cannot afford to see evening strippers.”

Of course, the name, “Rock Bottom,” would be appropriate for a woman wrestler also. Nevertheless, I guess that is just for another lifetime.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Victory is mine!


Sanjaya was thankfully, FINALLY, voted off of American Idol last night.

Now we can begin to take the show very seriously.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Just keeping it real.

Typically, I think that the theory for women is as they get older their standards for men get smaller and smaller.

After I read the book He’s Just Not that into You, I had a revelation about men. I no longer equate my female emotions to their lame male ones. Don’t get me wrong, men have emotions of course. I just have a hard time knowing what they look like since they tend to look nothing like my own.

Something that I am learning as I grow up is about what things you should skimp on, and what things not to skimp on. Such as it is okay to buy off-brand sugar—it is not okay to buy off-brand oil. It is okay to have male friends who are inconsiderate—it is not okay to have a boyfriend who is having sex with someone else. (Not that this has happened to me, but you get the gist.)

So as I get older my list of qualifications for being my “Mr. Perfect,” gets longer and longer.

Let me know what you think. I have narrowed it down to the Top 10 things I want in my “Mr. Perfect.”

10. He must have nice teeth.
9. He always smells good.
8. He enjoys karaoke bars and other random silly activities.
7. He must be better with money than I am and still be generous. I suck at money management. He cannot be a scrooge. That isn’t cool either.
6. He must want to travel all over the world, and take me with him of course.
5. When he talks about the future he always talks about me being in it.
4. He must be kind to strangers, waitresses, and the homeless.
3. He is funny as hell.
2. He loves all my friends and family as much as I do, and I feel the same way about his friends and family.
1. He is considerate always of others, including me.

That pretty much sums it up. My “Mr. Perfect” is pretty much Jim from The Office.

If he looked like a famous movie star, (*cough* Shia Labeouf, John Krasinski, or James Franco) that would not hurt either.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

What a thing to forget.

Thanks Holly for pointing this out for me!

I don't know how I forgot about the real reason I live:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix-- July 13

Because I know you care.

Look what is going to be happening to me this summer.

Spiderman 3—May 3

Shrek the Third—May 18

Pirates of the Caribbean at World’s End—May 25

Ocean’s Thirteen—June 8

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer—June 15

Transformers—July 4

The Bourne Ultimatum—August 3

At some point in there I am going to Puerto Rico too.

This summer is going to be awesome!

Monday, April 16, 2007

My feet feel exposed.

At the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie Spring and I were sitting with our feet on the railing in the theater, and this elderly gentleman came up to us. He handed me a sheet of paper, and said, “I liked your feet, and so I drew them. I want you to have it. There is no charge or anything.”

Spring and I accepted the piece of paper graciously and found that what the man said was true. He had drawn our feet. We were slouched down in the chairs with our feet up on the railing, and so he had drawn the back of our heads as well.

I called “dibs” on the drawing. Spring told me that if I was not going to treat it well then she was going to take it away from me. I told her that I would put the picture up on my refrigerator until I could get it framed. She then told me that was a horrible place to put the picture because food would be splattered all over it.

I think that the real question that you should be asking right now is not “Why would this man draw Spring and Sarah’s feet at a movie theater?” but, “What do Spring and Chad do when they get food out of the refrigerator? Sloush it around? Throw food at each other in sheer enjoyment of life and marriage?” I do not know, nor have I been invited to join in on such activities.

I put the picture up on my refrigerator anyway. Spring does not come to my apartment because she is allergic to cats. Therefore, I am not worried about her coming to take it from me.