Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Poor Ellen.

Look, I know there is war going on in Iraq, genocide in Darfar, and the over all knowledge that things are shitty all over—but I want to talk about Ellen.

Dear LORD! Why doesn’t that dog agency just give the family the dog back? What the hell is their problem?

Dog + two girls = happy.
Rescue agency + backing from celebrity = more money and more dogs rescued.

How come I am the only one who can do math? Besides making Ellen cry on her own show is just bad form.

I know that the owners of this agency are receiving death threats, but I hope that they realize that if this agency had done this to Oprah they would be dead by now.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Charmin Commercial

I don’t even know what to say. Expect that I am not impressed. There are so many things wrong with this commercial. I know you want to understand, and so you can perfectly understand the problems I have with the commercial I will make a list.

Let us begin with the most obvious:
1. Bears do not use toilet paper.
2. Bears do not use outhouses.
3. Typically, bears are not found at the beach.
4. Bears are not bright blue or bright red.
5. Why are these bears waiting so long to use the bathroom?
6. Bears do not have to wait to go. They just go wherever they are.

Is it just me—or is the advertising industry trying to make me seem like a dumbass who will buy anything?

I will answer my own question—I just checked my own toilet paper and it is of course Charmin.

Advertising industry: 1
Sarah’s cognitive thinking skills: 0

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Happiness is a warm gun, mama.

I have to tell you my confession.

When I was in the 8th grade I would come home every single day, and watch my VHS tape of a The Beatles Anthology. Of course, I did record this off of the television, and yes I did obsess over John, Paul, Ringo, and George. Sometimes I would be so ANGRY that I was not born in the late 40’s able to enjoy the 60’s in my late teens and my early twenties. That is when you are supposed to be enjoying the 60s.

Yet there I was 14 years old—and barely enjoying 1997 much less the 60s. Still I was obsessed with an obsession that people had with a band so many years ago. I loved (love) The Beatles, and I would have given my little brother to have seen them live on Sunday, August 15, 1965 when they played in Shea Stadium. I would have sold Sheena into captivity to have been one of the passer bys as The Beatles played their rooftop concert at 3 Savile Row in London, England.

I would spend time asking anyone I thought was “old” if they had liked The Beatles. My parents let me down (“Nobody ever loved me like she does, yeah she does. She does me good.”) because they were too young to have really experienced The Beatles—much less the 60s. However my mother did have the posters from The White Album on her room when she was a teenager, and she did have the record. BUT! My cousin apparently took all of those records later on and took them out of their sleeves and who the fuck knows what she did with them.

Lately, I see myself reverting into my 8th grade version of myself. I give all the credit to Across the Universe the new movie based on songs by The Beatles. The movie is a musical and it features only songs by The Beatles. Most of the songs—I knew in my head—however this movie gave me a new love for words of the songs.

I have not really listened to these songs in so long. Even though I still love The Beatles—to this day my family members will by some Beatles memorabilia—I don’t really ever listen to The Beatles. When I made my Top 15 favorite songs in college under Spring’s influence—I did not include any songs by The Beatles. The Beatles songs were too good, too much to be JUST one of my favorites. How can I ever tell you which songs are my favorite? They all are. They are all me, and I am them, and we are all together.

So much of me is wrapped in these songs. So much of my youth, my dreams, my fantasies of being a different person in a different time—and now because of that movie apart of my adult life.

There is no doubt in my mind that I would have rocked the sixties. I would have been the most awesome sixties person ever. You would have seen pictures of me at The Beatles concerts, protesting the Vietnam War, taking LSD in a circle to free my mind, and I would have been rocking it at Woodstock.

Who wants to do a protest with me this weekend? Anybody, anybody?