Wednesday, July 9, 2008

On Safety and Voldemort

Today at work I had to complete at “Security Awareness Training” regarding staying safe at my office. Mostly it was about making sure that no one comes into the office to shoot everyone. That is includes previous co-workers, bucko.

My favorite part was a “case study” that was written in the online training module:

April 2007, Houston Texas: The building was multi-storied. Employees from several different organizations occupied the building. It was after work hours.


He was a stranger, unknown to any employee in the building. He had a purpose and was determined to complete it. Only people stood in his way. Would they prevent his sinister plan? Or would he achieve what he had set out to do?

At this point, I was like “Oh yes! very Unsolved Mysteries. I love Unsolved Mysteries, please give me more.”

He watched from afar as the security guard left the desk to escort a young woman to her car. As the sliding doors opened to let others out, he quickly entered the building.

He was in luck no one was around. He quickly sized up the situation and headed toward the elevator. As he got in, he asked himself. “Which floor should I try?” He pushed the number 7.

It would have been more fitting if he had chosen floor 6 or 13, I think.

As he stepped off the elevator he entered the lobby of a company the occupied the entire floor. He continued down the hall and was met by an employee.

He was confronted with a decision. She knew he was out of place and quickly identified him as a stranger. She asked if she could help him find someone and tried to determine the reason for his visit.

The man decided this was not the right time and place. He turned around and entered the open elevator. He pushed the number 5.

Oh, no apparently, his sinister plan cannot happen on floor 7, and it must happen on floor 5. Don’t you really feel connected to this character. While I was reading the story I was like, “Oh he is Voldemort! Ahhhh my work is having me read an awesome safety story about Voldemort who is going to kill someone in Ministry of Magic.”

When doors opened the man stepped out of the elevator. It was quiet. No person was in sight. He wandered around the corridors but many of the doors to various businesses were already locked.

Nothing on the 5th floor interested him so he once again returned to the elevator and pushed the number 1.

As the man rode the elevator down, he began to question whether or not he would be successful. Wait! The elevator slowed to a stop. The doors were opening. What would he find on the other side? Maybe he could accomplish his task.

Terry was tired from a long day’s work. She gathered her belongings and headed towards the elevator. As she punched the down button, she was mentally checking the list of things she needed to do when she got home. The doors opened. She entered the elevator. It was just the two of them.

At this point in the story, it is so nice to have a new character introduced. Terry is such a complex character. I know so much about her from this paragraph. She works hard, she cleans up after herself, she has a brain, and she rides the elevator.

The man thought about what to do. Was it worth it? Would she have enough to risk it? He needed the money. The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened slowly. He quickly glanced around and the lobby was very empty.

Oh no, Terry! I am worried that you are in great danger. Don't you know who that is? It is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

He came up behind her to grab her purse. He pushed and pulled, struggled and fought. He gained about $50.00. She lost her life. The end.

WTF? That is the end of the story? How did Terry even die? The shock of being mugged perhaps? Did “The Man” pull out a knife and stab her? Did he pull out his wand and yell, "Avada Kedavra"? There was so much to know about Terry. Where did she grow up? Is she married? Does she have children? Is she magical?

When I got to the end of the story, I laughed and laughed because it was so lame. Is this supposed to shock me into calling the cops every time there is someone I do not know riding an elevator in my office? Unless it is a man who has a snake face, and seems like he has no soul-- then I do not know how I am suppossed to know that it is a man with a sinister plan.

I wish the story had been about Voldermort. I would have liked it better.


Katy said...

Dear Sarah,

You're absolutely right that this story was really about Volemort. Guess how I know? Because it was written by Muggles which means no one knows how Terry died. They never know, remember? The Muggles just think people drop dead but you and I know the truth. That is why the story is so lame.

Poor Terry. No one was around to do her justice with the truth about her death. IJS.

Your friend,

holly S said...

I had to do home health training and watch a movie that started with a CSI type scene and a dead home health nurse. The cop investigating said, "Sadly, this wouldn't have happened to her if she had been more careful." It went on to show all the ways we could get mugged or killed by our patients, their relatives, and their neighbors if we don't always carry our cell phones and get our keys ready before we get to the car.

rshiggi said...

::applauds:: I was reading this at work and laughing out loud and now everyone thinks I'm even more of a weirdo.

albert levi said...

yes! i loved that story!

Lel said...

Oh my sweet fancy moses. that ws so hilarious. you've made my whole evening. seriously.

Today I leaned over to swipe my security badge and realized I could just barely see the security guy thru the tinted glass. He was trying to look down my shirt.