Tuesday, August 12, 2008

An Important Email I Wrote at Work Today

In case you were wondering what I do all day here is an email that I wrote in my frustrated attempts to make being a state employee be a little more glamorous.

To Whom It May Concern,

As you know recently all computers were upgraded to Windows Media Player 11. When my download was complete, I contacted the help desk because I could not see the “now playing” option or the other menu options. The help desk informed me that they would open a ticket, however I did not hear anything. Today I called the help desk and was told that the “now playing” option on Windows Media Player had been removed.

Within the previous version of Windows Media Player, I was able to see my “now playing” list, and to create a playlist if needed. I realize that being this large of an operation that the State of Texas (or DFPS) has regulations regarding what employees can and cannot use on their computer. However, I spend 8 hours a day at this desk and in a cubicle, therefore making this tiny part of what is just a cubicle to many people—practically my second home. I am still able to listen to music and to CD’s that I bring, but I find it frustrating that I cannot create a playlist of the music that I bring on my jump drive.

I find it slightly insulting that DFPS believes that it cannot trust state employees with this basic computer program. I even understand restricting internet access from this program so that music and other types of media cannot be downloaded on to the computer. I previously worked for Child Protective Services, The State of Texas trusted me enough to interview parents and children, to go to court and testify on the State of Texas’s behalf, and yet I am not trusted with these menu options in Windows Media Player. Currently, The State of Texas entrusts me to ensure that millions of dollars of the State of Texas’s money is spent correctly. Perhaps you might be able to understand why I am so frustrated about DFPS continuing to restrict access to basic computer programs that I have been using for years.

I used to listen regularly to Yahoo Music—until this option was also blocked by DFPS. I realize that websites like Yahoo Music use a lot of bandwidth, and that is probably why DFPS does allow employees to view this site. However, to compensate for that lack of an option I bring music to work to listen to on my headphones.

I do not know why the menu options have been removed from Windows Media Player, however if there is a chance that I could have them returned to my desktop I would really appreciate that. I also appreciate you taking the time to read my email. If you cannot return the menus to my Windows Media Player—then can you please explain why DFPS has chosen to remove these menus and how it jeopardizes my job to have these options?

Again, I appreciate your time.

Thank you,
Sarah McCrary

Please note that even with this frustrated email that I have written that I will never be able to have playlists on my work computer again. It really is almost enough to make a person quit their job. However, I would miss being able to bank my vacation and sick leave. Also, perhaps one could argue it is an issue of priorities. But who doesn't put listening to music at the top of their list?

Isn't being a grown up about being able to do whatever the hell you want? I always thought it was.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Yay for the Olympics!

I love the Olympics, and the swimming competition is my favorite part. I also love the juicy backstory. Did anyone watch last night as Katie Hoff almost win the Gold last night, but instead she won the Silver losing to Australia.

However, I was cheering for Laure Manaudou because she was swimming against Federica Pellegrini, who is Manaudou's rival from Italy. Also Pellegrini is dating Manaudou's former Italian boyfriend. Pellegrini was the favorite to win. However, she didn't. Manaudou didn't either.

Does anyone else remember the Olympics being so gossipy?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Regarding my life and being in the moment

My biggest struggle in life has been finding God (love, peace, joy, wisdom, grief, etc…) while in the moment. I am constantly looking and thinking about the next moment, the next meal, the next vacation, the next paycheck. I am never, really focusing on the here and now.

At John Brown University, someone used to hang quotes in the bathroom stalls. I remember reading a quote that was so brilliant, and I wish I had written it down because I cannot find it now. However, it was from a preacher or theologian and the quote in a paraphrase said that churches are always bringing in people to lead revivals in their churches, however the important moment is now—and that we need to be asking God to bless us in the moment. I used to pray this all during the day, “Lord help me to be in the moment,” and for a while I think that it helped. I think that I did enjoy where I was, and started to see a plan for my life.

Somewhere in the last 2 to 3 years, I have lost this ability. I find myself unable to get work down, unable to enjoy spending time with people, and constantly reflecting on who or what I should be. When my prayer should be, “Lord help me to be in this moment.”

Perhaps that is what a quarter-life crisis is—the inability to see and be in the moment. When in fact that is all we can even see. I can only see now. I have no idea where I will be tomorrow really—much less five years from now.

Perhaps I can begin to give up this addiction to the unknown, and for today, like a recovering addict, I can take it all one minute, one moment at a time.

Last week Spring assured me that I would not be this discontent forever, and because she is my best friend and because she sings to me of hope—I am going to believe her.

P.S. If someone knows who, what are where the about quote is, I would be forever grateful if you would provide it for me.