Monday, August 4, 2008

Regarding my life and being in the moment

My biggest struggle in life has been finding God (love, peace, joy, wisdom, grief, etc…) while in the moment. I am constantly looking and thinking about the next moment, the next meal, the next vacation, the next paycheck. I am never, really focusing on the here and now.

At John Brown University, someone used to hang quotes in the bathroom stalls. I remember reading a quote that was so brilliant, and I wish I had written it down because I cannot find it now. However, it was from a preacher or theologian and the quote in a paraphrase said that churches are always bringing in people to lead revivals in their churches, however the important moment is now—and that we need to be asking God to bless us in the moment. I used to pray this all during the day, “Lord help me to be in the moment,” and for a while I think that it helped. I think that I did enjoy where I was, and started to see a plan for my life.

Somewhere in the last 2 to 3 years, I have lost this ability. I find myself unable to get work down, unable to enjoy spending time with people, and constantly reflecting on who or what I should be. When my prayer should be, “Lord help me to be in this moment.”

Perhaps that is what a quarter-life crisis is—the inability to see and be in the moment. When in fact that is all we can even see. I can only see now. I have no idea where I will be tomorrow really—much less five years from now.

Perhaps I can begin to give up this addiction to the unknown, and for today, like a recovering addict, I can take it all one minute, one moment at a time.

Last week Spring assured me that I would not be this discontent forever, and because she is my best friend and because she sings to me of hope—I am going to believe her.

P.S. If someone knows who, what are where the about quote is, I would be forever grateful if you would provide it for me.

1 comment:

Katy said...

My pastor in Waco left a very similar sentiment behind when he died. His very few words of his very last sermon were about being living well and being present.

I think at times most of us experience something a little more akin to that one Ben Folds' song: "Everywhere I go, damn, there I am."

Yes?

Spring's smart. This, too, shall pass.