Thursday, June 20, 2013

On Emailing with a Knucklehead

I want to apologize ahead of time because this post will have some foul language and even more offensive terrible typos and grammar.  The foul language is not that of the writer, but that of the subject the writer is writing upon. 

Online dating is full of crazy people, and sometimes those crazy people email you. For example here is the text of an email I received today:

Fuck off fat girl. I hope U find a psycho, whose picture U happen to like, that gives U an STD, fucks one of Ur pets and does long and terrible damage to Ur self esteem. How can a fat girl judge others based on how they look? Do U like it when guys can't look past the fact that Ur fat? Well bitch, treat others the way Ur fat ass would like to b treated. And do what U say U will do fat girl.

In response to this knucklehead I said something about how I like when a guy talks mean to me.  I expressed how turned on I was.  He loved this because he is crazy, and he told me that a few days ago he had responded to my profile online and that I had not sent him a response. He went on to demand a picture from me which he felt owed because he had sent me a picture previously.  I refused and I suggested that he find a therapist that he can trust.  He was not complimented by this suggestion, and he suggested in very crude language that I should die while performing fellatio on African American gentleman.

My response:
I mean maybe it's my 80th wedding anniversary, I am giving my lovely black man a hummer, and I die. That wouldn't be so bad.

Obviously, this poor person is a deranged individual who probably is also a hoarder, but hopefully not the kind with animals because gross.   I feel bad for this guy though because it’s clear that he so desperately is seeking human connection.  This dude makes me sad.  Okay. Okay. I am not going to bring him home to live with Hermione and me or anything, but just the idea that people are so alone that they would email someone all day saying terribly mean things is heartbreaking.

I receive so emails a day from dudes in response to my personal ads on Craigslist, and many I don’t respond to at all.  I try to send most of the men an email telling them I appreciate their response, but I don’t think we are compatible.  But it’s all based mostly on a picture and a short blurb about themselves.  Some guys I like from the blurbs and the picture, and some guys I don’t. 

This is not the first email I have gotten like this, and it probably won’t be the last.  It is the first time I engaged in a conversation.  I guess today I just felt like seeing what was down the rabbit hole, and it wasn't that great.  Every girl who has ever rejected him was written to in that email to me today. 


I am blessed.  I am blessed to have people who I can call friend, and blessed to be called friend.  I am blessed to know that I am loved and wanted.  I belong somewhere, and people notice when I am not around.  And someday I will have a black man to perform fellatio on, and die with his quivering member in my mouth.

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