Monday, June 10, 2013

On Using Craigslist for Dating

A few months ago I was sitting in my therapist’s office complaining that I cannot get dates, and she said something insane.  She told me that she wanted me to create an ad on Craigslist to meet people.  I asked her if she wanted me to get murdered, and she told me that she had met her fiancé on Craigslist. She also denied that she wanted me to be murdered. We commiserated over having tried dating sites like Ok Cupid or eHarmony only to be disappointed with the results.  She has a master’s degree, and all people with master’s degrees are sane individuals, so I sat down and I wrote my first ad.

Here it is:
I am looking for a passionate and evocative relationship with a man. I want to be in a relationship where I feel profoundly appreciated, desired, and sexy. I am very serious about commitment, and will always want to know how my partner is feeling about the relationship without any guessing games. I am crazy committed to my family and friends, and any man I date will need to fit in there - happily. Too make it simple - I am very fun, but a lot of work. I love to laugh, and believe that laughter needs to be an essential part of any relationship.

This ad was a failure, but not because I didn’t get any responses.  I did.  I got about a thousand, but because it gave people the impression that I wanted sex.  The reason is because I used the words “passion” and “evocative.”  These words are sex related apparently, but as a novice I just thought they sounded straight forward and honest.  I do want an evocative and passionate relationship, but I also am not going to jump into bed with a dude on the first date.  The above ad produced interesting emails such as one from this guy who went only by his initials which makes it difficult for me to blog about him, but I am going to call him “T.”  In the end “T,” and I did not go on any physical dates, and this was mostly because in his emails he described himself as a sensual man who wanted to make love to me on a sailboat.  He was also disappointed when I told him that we would not be having sex soon into the relationship because he said that we might be in Napa Valley and would want to explore each other physically. 

“T” was only the beginning of my fun with the whole Craigslist dating.  I only went out with one guy from the ad above, but it did not work out because he spent most of the date unknowingly listing the things he hated which included some immediate family members.  He was actually a really nice guy, but he never contacted me again.  So, I guess he ended up hating me.

What has surprised me about the Craigslist dating is how habitual it has become for me.  It’s like an instant ego booster to post a personal, and within an hour have men wanting your attention.    I have gotten better at screening as well, and I have gotten better at writing the ads.  What has not gotten easier is the going on the date with a guy, and realizing that even though y’all have been emailing and texting when you meet in person that chemistry just wasn't there.  It’s daunting to think that there are still so many ads to write, so many emails to read, and so many dates to go on until I meet someone I might want to go on a 3rd or more dates with.

But until then there is always the random penis emails I sometimes get.

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